Wednesday, December 22, 2010

New Years Eve-Sleepless in Seattle

Everyone has finally figured out that going out on New Years is overrated. We are finally getting old enough to realize that the entire celebration is just going to end up sucking, so we are either going to be really romantic about it or deliciously sentimental.

If you have a big family and you are lucky enough to be the kind that parties together, you will be lucky enough to spend New Years Eve with them. My best New Years were spent with a family I know called the Carduccis. They are a lovely Italian family with a mother goose that is one of the best ladies I know. The house is bursting with food,drinks, love, nice people and good conversation. There is nothing more I would ever want from a New Years Eve.

As the years have passed and I have come and gone from Toronto to Montreal, the years have changed and the Carduccis stopped being a second home. But there is nothing I would rather do than spend time with them again.

One year we tried to go out. It was a waste of money and time; realistically the best part of that night was getting dressed up and having hors d'oeuvres. That has been the general consensus with going out/ its always over rated.

I was hoping to spend NYE this year with a few new friends and a boy to kiss at midnight but I think I will be lucky if I have someone to spend the night with at all. Things don't always go to plan but I am really grateful for the friends I will get to see.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Last night I thought it would be a great idea to subscribe to

I just made a new move into a shared house with two lovely girls and because of this, I am feeling like maybe it is a good and moderately cheap option to streaming/downloading. The girls are going away for Christmas so I figure this is a good option to spend some time in a cheap and comfortable way.

The first movie that caught my attention was a gem of a movie that premiered at Sundance Film Festival in 2007. Teeth
is a great little movie about a 17-year-old virgin who just happens to have razor sharp teeth in her vagina. Not little, biting chompers, but jagged teeth that get compared to a cross between " a shark, an eel, but they are most definitely human."

I hate it when things in my lady bits are compared with eel teeth. It would bum anyone out. But not this girl, she just learns how to make it work for her. Which is why you should watch Teeth. It was a little slow to start with and personally, I would have liked more strange, religious happenings with this cute, blue-eyed blond haired virgin walking around with teeth in her lady bits, but I know I have high expectations.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas wish list

Oh hi there new found friends. also called macaroons. They remind me of care bears and cartoons from when I was little. I don't really know why but I am sure it has something to do with the sweet taste and adorable colors of all of them.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

All I want for Christmas

Hot Buttered Rum is on the top of the list. I hate rum, I LOVE butter.

This reminds me of butterbeer from 'Arry P'otter. I cannot wait for Christmas my way. It will include a bunch of festive horror movies, like Black Christmas and Jack Frost. But not the one with Michael Keaton, though there are some creepy aspects to that movie.

Who knows what will go one between Christmas and New Years? I have a ton of down time where I will indeed be working alone, so look forward to an excess of posts about Christmas, overrated holiday cheer, men, cooking, friends and clothes.


Friday, December 3, 2010

The things that make me smile in a day

Sometimes, when my friend Marc has a little time, he sends me the best pictures a girl could ask for on a stressful day.

Thanks for being one of my favorite friends ever Marc. I wish we could spend more time doing things like these picture, together.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Almost One Year

It has been a year since I have bought shoes, with the exception of a pair that my mother bought me as a surprise and sent to me in MTL. One year. I want these.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Birthdays: We will cry.

Last night, for the first time in weeks, I got together with my friend Kelly. She is a friend that I have had many ups and downs with over the years, but not because she or I are shitty people. We both rule and she is a very, very thoughtful and kind person. Overall, I think her and I have had a relationship that I have learned the most from, romantic and otherwise.

One of the things that I have learned from Kelly is that sometimes, its okay to be dramatic. The one exception for drama is on your birthday. Girls get a "get out of jail free" card for crying on their birthdays. Thats what your 20's are for. Kelly was telling me about how she was out for a girlfriends birthday and her friend cried. I remembered how I cried on my own birthday, and I remember how my other bestie Christie, cried on hers.

What is up with that? I cried because I was home in Toronto for the first time on my birthday in five years. It blew. I didn't even get a card from my mom. She was the one that was "trying" to make a big deal of me being home and it was/is a rather pathetic and weak attempt. I think we would have been better of had she just not bothered at all.In fact, pretend I don't even live in Toronto. Or at home. Just leave me alone to sulk on my birthday because no matter what it will be a disappointment. My mom has just generally become really uninterested in holidays and birthday's as we have gotten older, which I totally respect. But half assing them, causing for disappointment? Save me the anticipation that MAYBE she will realize this year has sucked and give a shit.

Kelly's friend cried because girls are the worst. Its that simple. We suck.

Christie cried because she was all alone in London, England on her birthday and missed us. Obviously.

Hoda cried because we surprised her but it almost doesn't count. But I think she got pissed at her sister that night, so that does.

This is okay. It is SO okay to be disappointed on your birthday. I have come to expect it. The fact that every other day is full of surprises makes me okay with birthdays sucking. I have so many unexpected amazing nights with the people in my life that I love, that I can't be sad about one overrated day blowing goats.

This is what I want on my birthday. He also starts the episode JUMPING out of bed, serenading Lily with a mariachi band. Best.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Stories of a Failed Man Eater

Once upon a time a guy I was dating called me a "man eater". I don't think I have ever had a repeated joke make me laugh this hard in my whole life.

Before I was freelance writing for Vice Magazine, I was part of their intern army. Normally, their interns get some pretty embarrassing treatment, like shoving a cell phone up someones butt and having the rest of the office stand around and call it, laughing and pointing. That has to suck.

I don't know if people are tamer in Canada or if we are just a more peaceful and polite group of human beings but in comparison to that, my intern workload didn't seem too harmful. Until this week, when I realized that the small assignment that seemed harmless at the time has had an effect on my sex life over three years later.

One of my first assignments was to go out and find a small cities worth of guys that were willing to talk to me about their experience with how they avoid prematurely blowing their load when they are doing it. Along with finding a variety of different men to elaborate on their personal experiences with me, I had to get them to sign a waiver, saying we could publish a picture of them and what they say. When it was finally all said and done after a few nights of getting wasted in front of my apartment building and letting my outspoken friend take the reins, I had to transcribe all of these stories picking which ones were the most entertaining.

These conversations haunted my already vivid dreams for weeks to come. At the time, I was going through a somewhat dry spell so it wasn't a really big deal. But when it came time to get back on the horse, the things that were running though my head were thoughts I couldn't shake.

The stories consisted of some answers that seemed to repeat, like baseball or sports, grass and water, which would personally make me want to pee. Then there were some weird ones like 'First I will try and change positions if its only been awhile and its feeling too good. Then, if that doesn't work, I think about my grandmother."

Now, when I have sex with a new partner and you can't tell what they are thinking, don't want to ask but happen to be enjoying the sex it takes everything in my power from saying (after they have made a few switches)," Its okay, you can cum, its no big deal." I feel like I have been exposed to this world I am not ready for, or that I have a power I really don't want. Is this how Jenna Jameson feels? Oh wait, those aren't magical powers...

Friday, October 29, 2010

Long Week but the Funk has lifted.

This week has been EXHAUSTING. Somehow we ended up having a Wild Wednesday with the girls because one of my fantastic friends has been going through a not-so-fantastic break-up. It REALLY sucks to see someone I care about going through this, but it seemed like Wednesday was a breaking point. It was one of those nights where everything still hurts so much. You think its going to get worse, then it does.

Hopefully what happens next is the part where you wake up the next day and feel like the weight is lifting. The sky is still really cloudy but you know that this part is so close to being over. It just takes time. The storm has now cleared though.

For me, more than my friend, I am getting closed to an actual, real live sunny day. Hopefully the Wild Wednesday was an indication of that. The week at work was amazing but long. But really amazing.

It is Halloween this weekend. What are YOU dressing up as?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sometimes I wonder if I had sisters, would I have better hair?

...just throwing it out there. I have had the pleasure of knowing some pretty fab sisters, that come in twos and threes. They all have good hair, I wonder why? I feel like my hair is REALLY blah right now, but then again, my mood has been really similar so who knows?

The weather is blah right now, my weekend was blah. Whats a girl to do?

I have toyed with running away back to Montreal for the weekend, but when I think about how much back and forth time I spent doing that when I first moved; it makes it REALLY hard to settle into one place and it makes you feel unsettled ALL the time. Excessively.

My birthday was a few weeks ago. It went moderately well. The indie babe dude showed. It just reminded me that I am not ready to deal/be with anyone. No relationships. I was going to adopt some lovely dogs I found off Unfortunately, I had to make an adult decision that was very last minute, in regards to not getting the dogs.

I felt awful that it was last minute, but ultimately I don't have the time it requires to adopt two pug dogs. They are four years old, fully trained and absolutely an amazing pair of dogs. But it would not be fair to that good ol' mother of mine that has been sweet enough to house me while I figure out whether I want to move out or buy something.

I was out with my insane Partner in Crime, known as Big C, on Saturday night.We had a pretty real talk. Basically, things are a little all over the place. Breaking up with someone you lived with isn't easy. It sucks even more when one of any of these things happen:

-living with the person
-you are in love with the person
-you own a pet or property with the person
-they moved somewhere for you over a long distance relationship or made some kind of extreme gesture of dedication to the investment of the future of your relationship
-is friends with your friends for an extended period of time
-gets along with your parents really well
-OR you get along with THEIR parents or siblings really well
-doesn't realize the way you do that the relationship REALLY REALLY REALLY is over which leads to this insane game of blame and hurt that really sucks.

My relationship ended with way more than one of these things happening, sauf for the cheating. Which is relieving, because that shit gets scary when there is sex involved.

I guess my point is this: Many many many things have changed lately and I can't tell if I am someone that hates change, avoiding it as though it doesn't exist at all. Or if I am some one that will embrace it, because let's face it, things change, people change and life is full of surprises. Is there such a thing as too much change all at once?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Some things I like a lot in life include October for many reasons. It really is my my favorite month and I would love to tell you why.

- pumpkins
- costumes
- kids, dogs, friends in costumes
- the seasonal food, clothes and weather
- the leaves changing color
-my birthday
- pumpkin muffins, soup and lattes
- turkey and everything that comes with it like family, wine, pie and leftovers

Band Bio: Introducing Greys from TOronto

One of the things that stands out about bands from the 90's was their uncanny ability to have a physical location attributed to their sound. It happened with punk often being associated with Washington or California. With grunge and mathrock, it came from Seattle and Chicago and now, somewhere down the line, we can throw Greys from Toronto into the brickwork of the wall of noise that makes these bands standout.

Now, jsut because they are a new band that sounds like some other older bands, by no means makes them a throwback band. Although math rock and shoegaze are not words we get to use in our daily music vocabulary all too often anymore, those that hold this music close to their hearts will be happy to know that Greys is a legitimate addition.

Simply put, they display the raw, aggressive, yet artful and progressive traits bands haven't had in over a decade - especially in their hometown. Greys aren't hosting dance parties, nor do they have singer/songwriter side-projects. They just play very, very loud rock music - and yet it's so much more.

Much is to be accredited to the bands lead singer and guitarist, Shehzaad Jiwani, who is bringing you original material that is very complex and layered. His musical influences ring through in a way that only an appreciative musician could do justice to. If you are looking for some light hearted music to dance to, you won't find it here. They are throwing dance rock out the window and blowing it away with the distortion from their amps.

The band worships at the altar of the almighty riff, yet champion more angular rhythms of math rock. They have a knack for melody, but they bury them in their convoluted song structures. This may make them out to be proggy in some respect, but they value the economic and bare-bones ideology of quick and precise punk rock.

Put it this way: if Fugazi suddenly displayed a penchant for stoner rock riffs; if the Jesus Lizard canned David Yow for the singer of Shudder To Think; if Nirvana never released Nevermind; if the nineties never ended - this is the alternate universe in which Greys exist.

If you're into it, they'd love to have you. Ditch the dance party and come get real

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Turkey Blues

I don't know whats wrong with me but ever since I even started thinking about Thanksgiving and what I am thankful for, I got all blue!!! Its highly unlike me to do such a thing, because Thanksgiving is halfway to Halloween and a week before my birthday, thus making October my FAVORITE month.

These blues are so unwarranted. they have nothing to do with guys. Nothing to do with school, because I am graduated. Nothing to do with Family, for once. So I don't know where to start. I think they are self inflicted. The weather has been amazing lately, I cooked a killer turkey on the weekend, met a dude that seems to be from a dream land of indie boys and just can;t figure out what it is.

Soon to come, amazing posts of pictures I have been loving and gathering.

Please note: Along with October being so very lovely in terms of celebrating me, my brother, the things we are thankful for and dressing up, the trees changing from green, to yellow, through to red and falling off lightly, just to be frosted with cool moisture in the morning; I love the weather/fashion.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Yum. Next up, Thanksgiving.

I want these so much. They look amazing, I have to add it to the list of "things that are not meant to be meals but I will eat as a meal." list.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Decorative things for a deam room

Bed, Art for the walls. Dream Bed I might add. Meant to dream in excessively.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Amazing Dress I want...

Oh yeah, hey, what's up gorgeous dress I could live in?

I would wear this everywhere, I have been looking for a longer, patterned dress for awhile now.

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Weekend Summary

Friday night I made plans with my friend Kelly that I almost forgot about. I am really glad that I didn't because it ended up being the most fun I had all weekend. We don't get to drink together too often, which in my opinion, makes our friendship especially strong and makes her a great influence on me, but this was one of those few times where she wasn't driving and didn't have to work TOO early. (She has been cleaning pools and up at FIVE all summer, so the ten am on Saturday seemed like sleeping in to her I guess.)

We ended up at a bar in the beaches, partying with a whole bunch of people I worked with last summer. I didn't leave on the best of terms with some of them and it was nice to catch up and hear how they were all doing. They aren't close friends so it was nice to be out with a more relaxed group of girls. Kels got a little tipsy, we danced a bunch at her work and then headed home.

Saturday was a touch more dramatic. All of these events pertain to something I have been hypothesizing for a few years now, so I am going to tell you everything and then get to the point!

My very good friend encountered a crazy ex from a guy she is really into. The crazy hacked my friends new beau's email account and read a bunch of emails. Then, she made up a fake facebook account, pretended to know my bud, and asked her a bunch of questions. Needless to say, this sketchy behavior has left my friend skeptical of this guy and the types of women that he attracts. I can't say I blame her in the least. The worst part about wasn't the crazy ex; we understand he can't control that, but the fact that he was torn between which girl he should be with. Crazy, or not so crazy! Is there even a decision? He also failed to mention to my girl that he was still in touch with his ex to the point of referring to her as a "best friend".

Now I am not one to enjoy drama. Yet it comes with life at this age, especially with one that involves sex, booze and partying, all of which I partake in. But this Saturday was a special one. On top of consoling my friend through her guy issues, another friend we were with ran into her very recent ex and ANOTHER one got invited to a bar, which we all tagged along to, only to find that the guy that invited her had his ex EX girlfriend clinging to him all night.

Now I have to say this: i am VERY proud to say that my friend that got invited to this bar, came and stayed and kept her cool. I don;t think I would have been so dignified. OH yeah, in fact I wasn't. At one point, this guy's ex made him cry in the bar ( I think, I was drunk) but I made a very clear point of laughing and saying "way to cry fag. look at the fag, he's crying" many many many times. Oops, not one of my most suave moments that is for sure.

After we ended up back at the girls house and I headed home thinking that the night was over, much to my chagrin, it was far from it. My very first friend that had to deal with the crazy ex came home to a flurry of text messages sent from a guy she had been previously seeing casually, months ago. He claims to have been accosted by one of our other "girlfriends" who then proceeded to anonymously tell him to "stay away from ______, she is bad news, etc", airing dirty laundry that, in reality, she knows nothing about.

THE DRAMA PEOPLE:The hypothesis!

The people that gossip this much, that are this crazy and care this much about other people's business have me thinking two things. One, they are jealous. No doubt. Two, that they will always, always be this way, no matter how old they are or how much things change.

Over the years of being back and forth in Toronto and Montreal, I have made many new friends, lost friends and I can honestly say that the only friends that will try and pull shit like this are the ones you have the most history with. Why it happens, I can't be sure. What possesses someone to go to the extent that any one of the second party women in question went to, is beyond me. But it has me intrigued and thinking hard about how I appear to others, my friends and men.

I will let you know on the conclusion I come too about myself. I am not crazy and I don't care as much as these crazies do; especially when it comes to contacting an unassuming third party. But, I know that I have feelings that get hurt and I can't always detach myself from sex and emotion, the way I may have been able to when I didn't really understand the gravity of what sex means with someone you care about.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Hipster Musings

A little while ago I finished reading a pretty decent book called "Dear Diary" by Leslie Arfin. It was pretty funny and honest. It was about some excerpts Leslie had found from her own diaries over the past 15 years and her thoughts and comments on them now. I think the thing I enjoyed most about this idea was that I was able to relate to not only the content, but watching her evolve as a writer too.

In the book she mentions a whole bunch of shit about the guys from Vice and how it all came to be.

It made me realize that I wasn't all to clear on the idea the magazine presented to people before I read it and wrote for them. It was a pretty different publication back then.

TO this day people are still regarding Gavin, who left the mag and started his own thing, "Street Boners" which is a whole website dedicated to do's and don'ts, as one of the originators of "Hipsterdom".

I read an amazing article he references, another bloggers much more coherent ideas on the topic. Enjoy!!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Girls and Smith Western

This is an amazing video I found online by photographer Ryan McGinley. It reminds me of my past few years doing the concert thing in MTL. It was kind of a whole new experience in the world of music and concerts for me. I started going to shows with less floor punching and screaming and traded em in for really tight pants and PBR.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Not only do I like those other red shoes but I LOVE these Vans. Along with my NYR (New Years Resolution) not to buy shoes for a year, I have decided to extend that to "No shoes with laces" for at least TWO years, since I managed to fill 3, 60L plastic Tupperware containers with sneaks when I drove home from MTL.

BUT if I could buy shoes, I would buy these gems.

Shoes Shoes Shoes Boos!

Guess Who Wants These? Your favorite insane blogger, ME! Who says these are guys shoes anyhow? Nutter butters.

This weekend was a long one with very little planned. I was supposed to end up in Mont REAL but ended up staying in Toronto. Boo Hoo, but what's a girl to do? Ended up hanging out with some wicked kiddies at the Science Centre where we saw the new Harry Potter exhibition. It was neat but I didn't get to buy a wand like I wanted. The last one left was $80. INSANE.

Sunday I went shopping with my mum and it was completely insane because of back-to-school and the long weekend. The lines were batty and the sales weren't really worth it so we bailed pretty fast and went to the CNE. Again, WAY too many people so I bailed pretty fast. Ate some food that wasn't so good for me and enjoyed every second of it. But all in all, I was just too anxious for crowds like that.

A few years ago I went through a terrible bout of anxiety attacks, which turned into an uphill battle with anti depressants and anxiety meds. In the end, i'm not sure the meds were at all necessary but at the time I don't really know how I would have coped without them. Being at the Ex with all those people brought back memories of anxiety attacks and the traumatic freak outs that came with them.

Monday was girl date day, where I went shopping and destroyed my bank account slightly. Posts with many pictures of all the fun, non-traumatic adventures will come in posts to follow.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Accessories I love but could never wear

I will add this necklace to the long list of things I love but don't own and am very hesitant about buying or spending much money on. Also on the list, long, floor length dresses that are made out of silk or cotton and can't be worn with a bra, headpieces, full length, thigh-high knit socks and the rest is TBA as i remember more and more things.

Also I am glad its the weekend, I think I am tired and have been fucking up at work today as a result. I applied to blog at TIFF with CBC so I hope they like me and decide to have me as a blogger. It gives me something to do with my new-found life in Toronto.

On a side note, I do miss Hendricks, my friends in MTL and living with my EX. It was time but it was by no means all a bad thing. Adjustment is hard and I am not going back to school, home living with my parents for awhile with nothing to look forward to travel wise because I am trying to save money. I have been thinking about getting an extra bartending job just to make some extra cash and keep me busy from spending money on the weekends. Thoughts?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Real Talk

This week we finally had a ladies night in Toronto. It was long overdue. The ladies busted open a very feminine array of bottles, including Pabst Blue Ribbon, Cava bubbly and some lower end white wine. CLASS ACT my friends.

As the afternoon progressed and we continued to drink, smoke and get foul, the topic of a ladies "special" smell came up. We all confided in each other that guys had said we smelled good. But, the thing that throws me is that WE WERE ALL TOLD THAT. How is that possible? Now I like to think that the company I keep is a reflection of my own judgment on my personal moral choices now a days.

That being the case, I don't do a box smell test when I make friends. So I have concluded that either someone is lying, whether it be the girls or the guys we are sleeping with. Now I understand where the hang-ups about smells come from in the first place, because I find it highly unlikely that we all smell like roses or bacon or what have you that smells good, down there. Just throwing it out there ladies, I'm a little confused. Either I subconsciously picked a great smelly group of friends or guys are full of shit. I like to think my taste is flawless, so i will go with option number one.

Monday, August 23, 2010

shoe withdrawl

its been a whole seven months and twenty three days since I have purchase a brand new pair of shoes. My Ex and mother have taken pity on me and given me shows in the past year. But the whole point was not to buy any new shoes because I think I have a serious problem. So. Its been seven months, only five more to go. And even after this insanity is over, I will not buy anymore running shoes for at least TWO years.

but it doesn't mean a girl can't dream.

Rainy Weekend

Started a new job this week at a company called Yangaroo. I like it so far and I get to work on their blog as well as mine so watch out blogospere.

Moving home to Toronto has been a huge change, but hopefully for the best. I am not sure yet, I will let you know in a few weeks if I have spontaneously combusted from too many changes all at once.

Got really unbelievable trashed on Saturday. I think its time to take a small break from drinking, my life is crazy enough as it is, it doesn't need to have drunk crazies thrown into it as well. Sometimes its okay to just drink water ya know?

Good to see my friends in Toronto though I am shying away for a bit until my head is on a little straighter. They don't need to deal with my insanity anymore than I want to deal with it. I think I am going to have to throw up some new tattoos as soon as I get some cash money. Ideas?

I want one of these.

Friday, July 30, 2010


This has been the sun in my days. His name is Hendricks but I call him "Bunny" most of the time. He snorggles and cuddles and loves to kiss you. We adopted him from a SharPei/Chow Chow rescue called "Merlins Hope" from some of the nicest women I have ever met. He had no fur on his back legs when we got him and now he;s got the softest, shiniest coat I have ever seen. He doesn't like water or treats but for some reason he loves icecubes and socks. He really is a simple guy.

I am leaving Montreal and Hendricks is the second biggest thing I will miss.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Reverant

Kerry Prior delivers comedy and gore for almost a full two hours, leaving very few dull moments for his audience to stop laughing at his new movie, The Revenant. The movie genre is that of comedy mixed with a touch of gore and the humor of a stoner movie, minus the cheap college humor.

Lines are delivered with ease by cast members David Anders and Chriss Wylde, who play the best of bros, but s during the beginning scenes of the movie, the dialogue seems forced and a little too cliche, without enough quippy, more clever remarks. It is balanced out with subtle humor that is often delivered by the female cast members. Generally the happy banter between two male actors in a comedic movie proves to be more natural and convincing than that of two females.

As there often is a romantic relationship, this one is quickly and thankfully lost at the beginning when the main character dies and his best friend steps in to comfort the lady he left behind.

The relationships between the friends was clarified by the director from the introduction to the movie at the screening, yet without it, it wouldn't have been so clear that the friendship between the few main characters was a developed friendship that had years of history behind it. The circumstances of the death of the main character, the revenant, at the beginning of the film puts a strain on the back story of the plot. Though irrelevant, it made the plot seems to have holes between the easy, somewhat crass banter and the relationships between the characters. It doesn't take away from the story or what is going on but the fact that something is missing is evident.

The gore factor in the movie was paired perfectly with the amount of visual and make-up special effects, making up for the flaws in the character relations. Seeing as a Reverant is a somewhat undefined entity until now this must have left some room for creativity with for the make up artists brought on board and their touches were applied with great detail and perfection. Nothing at all over the top and the additional special effects will please any horror buff without a doubt.

Not quite a zombie, not quite a vampire. But still enjoying the blood and killing of others. Mixed with the antics of the Revenants best friend, the movie has a lot of antics offering strong comedic timing, believable friendship and a touch of clever disbelief.

Lindsay Wood

Monday, July 12, 2010

Things said about my FUNK.

The past few weeks have been incredible in the sense that everything and nothing at all has happened.

My brain has been on summer vacation since May and now my body has caught up. I graduated in June and its almost a month later. Still nothing. Nothing in the job department, although I have been moving to the West Island on and off for work at an Indian food restaurant. But even that seems like the effort is far greater than the money and the lack of will to be there. Normally the other side of me wins over the one that wants easy money, but this time I truly feel like what my heart and my brain need are something solid.

Journalism school was a great, long and adventurous ride where I learned about myself, Montreal, and a few hitchhikers along the way. The hitchhikers consisted of friends that have since come and gone, men that have left me with outstanding stories, but mostly this strange feeling that the people were really all just passers-by. I feel similarly about work; its all been somewhere on the uneventful front.

Not to say that experiences haven't been had. I have met some of the most interesting characters along the way and have had some of the most interesting conversations. This past week I went out for an amazing meal with a very wise and opinionated friend of mine named Nicole. She is a lovely friend of a friend I have made, and in the past year she has become one of my favorite people to wine and dine with. This week, Nicole Kim and I ventured quite out of the area for the first time in awhile, to an amazing little find.

Our food was virtually flawless, the conversation was light; as Kim has recently met a new man, which is always much fun to hear about a relationship in its beginning phases. Wine was drank on mass and I found myself again, doing one of my favorite things to do on my never ending ride through Montreal. EAT, Drink and talk incessantly.

Once again, my friends prove to offer these lovely tidbits of information that I feel I must write down to remember and refer to the constantly. Especially this one because lately I have been in this very particular state; unable to keep my mind very occupied on anything intelligent and too skint to afford to do the things that tend to keep my mind stimulated, which consist of going out, doing things and keeping social. What Nicole said, that I can most definitely bring to mind more, is this,

" It is easier to blame yourself for your problems."

"How so?" I ask, "Don't we normally blame others for our problems?"

"Not always, especially YOU. You have a tendency to let others make the important decisions for you; even the serious ones that affect your life. You need to take the blame on yourself for those things sometimes, you need to be the one to change things."

And I think she is right. I went out a whole lot more this week. Maybe it isn't the best idea, considering I feel like I am in a slightly poorer state than I was before. However I am now thinking a tad more, trying to blame a few more things on myself and take on a tad more responsibility for my actions. This week my goal is to blog everyday, which is a whole lot more than I have been doing.

Tomorrow I am going home to Toronto, kickin it with my Mom, seeing a concert with my dearest Eric P, hanging out with my bestest Sam and celebrating the birth of one of my oldest and most fantastic friends, Paul. With so much happening, somewhere in there I am bound to find something to write about to get the ball rolling again.

Wish me luck, I need to get out of this funk.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Tree Houses and Coffee

At this point in my journey of being contempt with the waves of unemployment, this being the longest time in almost eight years that I have been unemployed without school being thrown into the mix, I am sitting here wondering, "Who on earth would spend $6500 USD on a vacation in Thailand, no airfare included, to sit in a tree?"

There is nothing wrong with it, but the idea of it leaves me sitting, wondering, who would do it? I can't imagine at this point in my life, being this frivolous with money.

Right now I dream of the idea of a full time job, something with a nine to five stability that would get me out of student debt and keep my mind busy enough to keep me from wondering who would ever pay $6500 USD to sleep in a tree.

Starbucks was supposed to offer a certain amount of mindless self loathing, a place that offered comfort of a job where I can leave headaches and work drama at the door, somewhere where the only thing I bring home is the stench of stale coffee and a paycheck. Maybe a story or two about the insane regulars that happen to wander through. But that's all it was supposed to be.

It's funny how things turn out.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

not just a coffee girl?

So maybe you aren’t working in Kenya or overseas yet. There is a lot you can do to impact change wherever you work, anywhere that is. By Lindsay Wood

Everyday I wake up at five o'clock, make my way to work and find it in my body to smile at the first twenty people, if you can do that, you’re laughing. Despite a language barrier there are something’s that are universal. This week, I realized that without a doubt, one of the things that have had the most instantaneous impact on someone is a smile. It is free, effortless and can change a mood or day for even just a moment, most times for the better.

For the past week a man has been coming into my coffee shop around six forty-five, just around fifteen minutes after we open. There is never a line, hardly ever another person in the store. It is a nice way to start the day, quiet and calm with a short interaction with each person that comes into the cafe bleary eyed searching for a coffee. Sometimes I am the first person to ask them how they are or to say, “Good Morning!” to them. This means I can be the person that impacts how their day goes. Maybe the day already had a bad turn; missing the bus, sleeping through an alarm. Anything can happen from when you wake up, to the moment you leave your house and arrive at work. Or stop in to grab a coffee on the way. This is when I get my chance to have an impact, even if it is small.

When the man comes in, it is with a purpose and in a hurry, more than one I can understand that early in the morning. But, with a smile, I am happy to give him his coffee, even though he doesn't even have time to respond to my greeting, "Bonne matin," with anything other than, "Medium Coffee."

But today, he smiled. And said hello back, even took a moment to nod his head as he headed towards the cream and sugar. And it makes me wonder if I had a chance to start his day off with a smile all those days before and he realized how little it took but how big it makes you feel to just do the same.

Even when you are rushing so fast that you almost forget why or where you are going, try to remember not too. Take a moment to make eye contact and make someone’s day, make him or her realize what it can feel like and remember that it only takes one person and one seemingly small, positive action everyday to make a difference. Its much easier to smile then frown and let’s face it, its contagious and the wrinkle lines can be much more flattering.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Henry Rollins and Men.

The longest relationship I have been in to this day has been only 16 months and that is being generous. I figure punk rock to be my first love, my family to be my undying love and strength and Henry Rollins to be my future husband.

Realistically, especially now that I have finally seen him speak, I can say that my standards are adequately high and that there IS in fact a man out that not only meets those standards, but surpasses them. It has been a long time since first listened to Black Flag. Ten years in fact. Many things, including my taste and standards in men, have changed. But my love for Henry has never faltered.

Monday mornings are usually difficult, but this one was the easy. It felt better than my last day of University. It was the much anticipated day that I would get to see Mr Henry Rollins in person, but profess my undying love to him after I hear him speak about his travels over Europe and Asia in the last few years. I have read and heard so much of his spoken word, but I had no doubt that I would be hanging off each and every last breath he spoke. But what would he say? I spent Sunday night dreaming that he would talk of the days of Black Flag and how he spend afternoons as a young punk reading with Ian Mackaye and talking about politics and music in Washington D.C. Then he would tell the audience about why he isn't married; which would be my segue into our discussion after. I would relate to his similar situation of heartbreak and we would talk about it all night long. Sigh.

The reality is that Mr Henry Rollins is really a camel. The man spoke for three hours, positioned ready to throw down and had me on the edge of my seat laughing for the entire time. He spoke of many wise things including Ian Mackaye, politics and the easy source of a good hockey mom joke Anna Palin, Obama nation and without fail the anti violence and usual punk rock related themes. The highlight was listening to his stories of Washington, with Ian Mackaye, Mackaye's family AND the Bad Brains. It was like hearing your dad tell stories he is animated about, except much cooler. But the age, convictions and vivaciousness that he tells those stories with cannot be matched. I can't imagine hearing them from someone else. It was like hearing the lead singer tell you about the show he played instead of hearing it from your buddy that was there. This time, I got to be there and it was fucking great. He was funny, clever, outspoken and brilliant. This is hardly a bias opinion. If it were, I would have mentioned what a sliver fox he is, with his old school Vans and fitted Dickies pants.

After the show, we waited around for Hank outside the venue. Though I didn't make too much of an ass of myself, I didn't quite get the chance to propose either. There is always the next time. If it so happens that a final show is ever announced, which from his stories of boredom when he isn't touring, I gather that won't happen for at least another many years to come, I plan on getting a second chance at a final show. He will be mine and until then all eligible men must take a note out of Hanks book.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Cute shit, The New Year and other things that have happened since Christmas.

2010 started off in the communist country of Cuba, more specifically at Club Kawama, right outside of the downtown area of Veraderro.
The trip wasn't anything to sneeze at, as I got to spend a much needed amount of time with my mother and brother Eric, who has grown into quite the young man. IT has been years since I have spent more than a few hours at a time with the kid and it was very apparent that was a word I would no longer use when referring to him. Eric showed me very quickly that he is no longer a kid, but a really smart, mature ( I choke as I write this) man. Someone I was very proud of, yet very different from, by the end of the week.

The week home was a whirlwind, working at the cheese and delaying my christmas shopping as much as possible. Then, we were gone. The days home came and went by so fast;faster than usual. I figured time at home would slow down more without a boyfriend there, but it really didn't change the time at all. I still felt like I was rushing around while the clock counted down to Cuba.

We left on a Sunday afternoon, which was supposed to be a Sunday evening. Much to my dismay, while I was getting my bear claws (feet) groomed by a very nice woman, I get a phone call from mummy dearest saying, "sorry if you had anything planned or if you aren't done packing but we have to be at the airport sooner than later because I misread our departure time." Oh. Ok, sorry little woman nice enough to touch my unruly feet, I have to leave now.

The nice woman SERAN wrapped my feet, so as not to smudge my toenail polish, and off we went. Needless to say, I wasn't completely done packing and realized a few days into the trip that, with rainy weather, I was not spending the time I had hoped in my bikini and had not packed enough underwear. But, I did have my trusty harem pants, a gem found by my bestie, Christie, in Nice, France. Let me say, they do feel more...liberating without panties.

The week was pretty unmemorable in terms of events. Not because I was black out drunk, but more because everything was pretty sub par. The food was unidentifiable, the weather was nice half the time, the people were the usual resort fare (except for one or two that were weeded out as amazing by the last few days) and the NYE celebration was only exceptional because it was in Cuba and I didn't have to plan it. It was also the one and only night I got really wasted.

The best part of finally going away to a much needed beach, that was really a Cuba sand-flea farm, was the time I got to spend getting to know my brother. As it had been a few years, I realized not only did I miss out on watching him grow into a man, but also watching him become a really sweet guy that does, in fact, watch out and take care of my mom, while I am living in Montreal. Its sweet that he chooses to be at home and I got home and started wondering where I am really supposed to be.

The upcoming months have amazing, new things ahead. I think I am going to move out of my lovely apartment, in hopes of finding something new and cheap, to go with the new and not so cheap undergrad degree I have earned. The winter is proving to be be a strange one with a cold I can't seem to beat and the strangest weather global warming has brought to date. And I am trying to continue my much anticipated career as a Starbucks Barista.

The roomie is out and we have parted ways amicably. New friends have been made in 10' and some got left behind in 09' but I'm feeling pretty ok about it either way.

New years resolution: not to sleep with people who suck and not to waste anymore time on them.