Lately I have been waking up in cold sweats from having nightmares about my ex. I won't get into detail, but I have not had dreams this severe since I lived in Montreal. The kind that take over your whole day and mood. It is really indicative of everything I have been through in the past few months.
I am trying to stay on the bright side of things. I have almost mastered making macarons, my favorite dessert in the whole world. Pastry bags no longer give me anxiety when I look at them. My freelance writing is heading to a good place. I am making headway in my TESL class online, which has me keeping on top of my grammar. But there is still a hole that is starting to grow smaller, day by day. I wish I could speed it up but I hear these things take time.
I will try to keep you updated on that part of it, but this is the hardest part.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
This Article is Fact
It pairs with the unemotional, "distract myself till I can't feel anymore" mentality I seem to be floating through my days with. I wish I could listen to a podcast all day, so I am not left alone to think about the last words I have had with people. Again, that amazing mother of mine who just happens to know most of my dirt, told me I need to be the bigger person by no longer responding to shitty emails and tirades that have been dragging on.
It's the HARDEST! I always, always want the last word. ALWAYS. Anyways. Now I just want a snuggle. And I will be the first to admit that I am not emotionally stable for anything more than emotionless sex.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-dont-want-to-sleep-with-you-when-im-sober/
It's the HARDEST! I always, always want the last word. ALWAYS. Anyways. Now I just want a snuggle. And I will be the first to admit that I am not emotionally stable for anything more than emotionless sex.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-dont-want-to-sleep-with-you-when-im-sober/
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Learning to Let Go
Sometimes you just gotta let it go. It takes so much time and energy to hate people and be angry; Remember that half the time you are better off! We go through waves of ups and downs. Girls get emotional and boys can be un-emotional, causing us to be even MORE emotional. Its an ugly circle and just when you think you have escaped it, something pulls you back in and BANG! you are mad about something again.
This time, you should do it different. Stepping back and looking at your big picture, wondering why you are giving this boy/work problem/family beef anymore time, if it is something that you can't fix with anything but time. Recently I have realized that I am in a far better relationship with my Mum because we know to take time, days, to figure out exactly what is pissing us off when there is an issue. I would give someone $100 to tell my 16-year-old self that bit of information.
Mostly, I blame the parents. When men are man-children, I blame their mothers. When family is ridiculous, I remember that everyone's family is a little nuts. But with men, co-workers and friends that are general shit heads, I blame the parents. Can you imagine if a guy that was a shit to you had a mum that knew about it? In my case, I dated a Momma's Boy that was a Golden Boy (but in real life, an unemployed pothead) that cheated on me. A) WTF did your mother teach you? B) WTF would she say if she had ANY idea how you treat women?
I know my mother wouldn't be proud of all the things I have done but we also talk about all the shitty things. She knows I broke up with a dude via text. She was also one of the first people to say, " I told you it would come back to you," when I got dumped via text in my next relationship. Family is there for real talk. Straight up.
What I am getting at is that you need to weigh your options when you're pissed. Happy girls are the prettiest and hanging onto being an angry bitch will give you wrinkles. I am way too young and hot for that. But seriously, I look at my mom and how she has gotten through the things in her life that have sucked. She smiles everyday, loves my Dad even though they are just friends now, and found the ability to allow for that to happen. Life is WAY too short to hang onto the baggage and drag it around, no matter how much you love those purses. It is time to just let it go and move the hell on.
When you are thinking about hating someone, make sure you have the room in those bags for it. If there is room for something great, let that in instead of the angry things that are part of the past. It made you who you are today, but the great things you let in will make you who you are tomorrow.
This time, you should do it different. Stepping back and looking at your big picture, wondering why you are giving this boy/work problem/family beef anymore time, if it is something that you can't fix with anything but time. Recently I have realized that I am in a far better relationship with my Mum because we know to take time, days, to figure out exactly what is pissing us off when there is an issue. I would give someone $100 to tell my 16-year-old self that bit of information.
Mostly, I blame the parents. When men are man-children, I blame their mothers. When family is ridiculous, I remember that everyone's family is a little nuts. But with men, co-workers and friends that are general shit heads, I blame the parents. Can you imagine if a guy that was a shit to you had a mum that knew about it? In my case, I dated a Momma's Boy that was a Golden Boy (but in real life, an unemployed pothead) that cheated on me. A) WTF did your mother teach you? B) WTF would she say if she had ANY idea how you treat women?
I know my mother wouldn't be proud of all the things I have done but we also talk about all the shitty things. She knows I broke up with a dude via text. She was also one of the first people to say, " I told you it would come back to you," when I got dumped via text in my next relationship. Family is there for real talk. Straight up.
What I am getting at is that you need to weigh your options when you're pissed. Happy girls are the prettiest and hanging onto being an angry bitch will give you wrinkles. I am way too young and hot for that. But seriously, I look at my mom and how she has gotten through the things in her life that have sucked. She smiles everyday, loves my Dad even though they are just friends now, and found the ability to allow for that to happen. Life is WAY too short to hang onto the baggage and drag it around, no matter how much you love those purses. It is time to just let it go and move the hell on.
When you are thinking about hating someone, make sure you have the room in those bags for it. If there is room for something great, let that in instead of the angry things that are part of the past. It made you who you are today, but the great things you let in will make you who you are tomorrow.
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