The past few weeks have been incredible in the sense that everything and nothing at all has happened.
My brain has been on summer vacation since May and now my body has caught up. I graduated in June and its almost a month later. Still nothing. Nothing in the job department, although I have been moving to the West Island on and off for work at an Indian food restaurant. But even that seems like the effort is far greater than the money and the lack of will to be there. Normally the other side of me wins over the one that wants easy money, but this time I truly feel like what my heart and my brain need are something solid.
Journalism school was a great, long and adventurous ride where I learned about myself, Montreal, and a few hitchhikers along the way. The hitchhikers consisted of friends that have since come and gone, men that have left me with outstanding stories, but mostly this strange feeling that the people were really all just passers-by. I feel similarly about work; its all been somewhere on the uneventful front.
Not to say that experiences haven't been had. I have met some of the most interesting characters along the way and have had some of the most interesting conversations. This past week I went out for an amazing meal with a very wise and opinionated friend of mine named Nicole. She is a lovely friend of a friend I have made, and in the past year she has become one of my favorite people to wine and dine with. This week, Nicole Kim and I ventured quite out of the area for the first time in awhile, to an amazing little find.
Our food was virtually flawless, the conversation was light; as Kim has recently met a new man, which is always much fun to hear about a relationship in its beginning phases. Wine was drank on mass and I found myself again, doing one of my favorite things to do on my never ending ride through Montreal. EAT, Drink and talk incessantly.
Once again, my friends prove to offer these lovely tidbits of information that I feel I must write down to remember and refer to the constantly. Especially this one because lately I have been in this very particular state; unable to keep my mind very occupied on anything intelligent and too skint to afford to do the things that tend to keep my mind stimulated, which consist of going out, doing things and keeping social. What Nicole said, that I can most definitely bring to mind more, is this,
" It is easier to blame yourself for your problems."
"How so?" I ask, "Don't we normally blame others for our problems?"
"Not always, especially YOU. You have a tendency to let others make the important decisions for you; even the serious ones that affect your life. You need to take the blame on yourself for those things sometimes, you need to be the one to change things."
And I think she is right. I went out a whole lot more this week. Maybe it isn't the best idea, considering I feel like I am in a slightly poorer state than I was before. However I am now thinking a tad more, trying to blame a few more things on myself and take on a tad more responsibility for my actions. This week my goal is to blog everyday, which is a whole lot more than I have been doing.
Tomorrow I am going home to Toronto, kickin it with my Mom, seeing a concert with my dearest Eric P, hanging out with my bestest Sam and celebrating the birth of one of my oldest and most fantastic friends, Paul. With so much happening, somewhere in there I am bound to find something to write about to get the ball rolling again.
Wish me luck, I need to get out of this funk.