Max and Mary, UP!

Lately it seems I have been straying, ever so slightly, from my usual taste of gore and horror, being drawn into these heartfelt adult cartoons. They have got me hooked; for a long time it seemed like the only way for me to deal with my own emotion was to watch something sad when my own emotion got to be too much. That way, when I cried over a sad movie, it was much easier to let go and feel a little better about, instead of feeling guilty for the tears.

Max and Mary and UP have both evoked very strange emotions, UP stirring the feeling of wanting to grow old with someone and coming to terms with maybe having a cool life partner, but more that life will go one and you can have pleasure in so many other things regardless of what that means or who that "partner" ends up being.

Sometimes it is tough being so far away from where I would like to be. But it doesn't mean that I haven't grown so far away from where I was when I first moved to Montreal. School is coming to some form of an end and a new chapter is starting. It seems cliche but maybe I will get the chance to write about something other that culture and myself and delve into the world of politics and the environment for a chance of pace(and climate). But for now, I need to make it through this week, this semester and Christmas, with Cuba as a light at the end of the tunnel shining some sunny skies onto the new year.

A lot of interesting things have happened this week, with school coming to an end. My favorite being the first snowfall, beautiful and powdery. There is something about the first fluffy snowfall that makes me want this perfect person to share the moment with, on top of a building or in an empty park with no footprints made in the fresh blanket of snow. Cold noses, warm hands and a winter kiss seems like the perfect remedy to this strange, useless feeling that I have had lately.

After the relationships, or lack there of, that I have experienced in the last year, I have learned a lot about myself, but at the same time I think I have more questions than answers. Often I am left wondering why it is that it seems people don't want to know about me or my adventures? What are they thinking in the meantime, if they are not going to bother to know me or much about me? Is it them or have I just become closed off to the point that people don't even want to bother? Maybe this new year will bring some more answers with some time spent alone, outside of school.

The end seems so far away, but as Max puts it, "I hope our sidewalks can meet one day and we can share a can of condensed milk."

Ride, Ride, Riding along.

FINAL WEEK OF CLASSES! Jesus, this has been a hard semester. When I got back from France I was SO excited to get over the SHITTINESS that Toronto exuded on my general being this summer. Blogging has been the last thing on my mind, between wasting my time on useless beings, writing for www.soundonsight.org, attempting to write for the Montreal Mirror, working and going to school has almost killed me. Oh yeah, I have a room mate now too!!!

It has been insanity. Being in France doesn't seem so long ago; the semester flew by. Luckily my summer malfunctions weren't carried on to Nice and I was able to take time for myself and my best gal buddies while I was in France. Unfortunately, because I left my problems at the door in TO, they were waiting for me when I got home. To the point, where they liked me so much they followed me to Montreal, then kicked my ass repeatedly.

Now that its december, I would like to think that I have learned my lesson. Sort of. As of this month, it is time to remind myself that it is not Douchember, so maybe keeping myself away from the dudes will work a bit better.

On the side note, school is done, I have gone on some wicked adventuring in the past few months, cooked a friggin amazing turkey named Murray and haven't been to TO since I left. its been DAMN good actually. I have also checked some super fantastic shows out, which I normally don't make time for, but have made a point of doing more.

Also checking out more good movies than you can shake a stick at, which is always fantastic in my opinion. Dressed up as Andrew WK for Halloween, which was uneventful, turned 23 and got a fab gift and birthday with my best ladies in the world.

Had some dude say "That'll do pig," after we boned... yup. You got it, that came out of his mouth. Thinking he was refrencing Zombieland? I don't know which pisses me off more, the improper reference or the comment itself. This is why its time to take a back seat from putting myself out there, because the only people interested are shitty ones it seems.



The list of "do nots" is becoming epic.

1. hockey players
2. dudes that play music
3. frat boy types

i think that is it for now, though I am sure that I will close myself off to another stereotype by the time I get back from Cuba in January. Big fun. My cousin that is the raddest dude ever is coming back from Saskatoon tonight and going to be in TO when I get back, which is fantastic and exciting because he has been gone forever and I missed him alot. That's all I got for the moment, i'm going to try and keep better tabs on this thing now that i'm DONE SCHOOL?! oh yeah, thats effing wicked too.

Mistakes I made this summer

This summer I decided to shake things up a little by heading home to Toronto.

#1 Lesson number one, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

There I took on a stooshie job serving crustless sandwiches to snobby white people with a bunch of moderately over privileged white kids for a whole summer, while not realizing this awful transformation was occurring. When you are in a situation where things aren't really THAT bad and you can't do much to change it; when there REALLY is a light at the end of the summer, I mean tunnel, you start to settle for a life more mundane, with lowered standards.

Things didn't go exactly as planned when I got home. I ended my relationship, for a lot of different reasons, making my whole reason for putting up with the shitty things in Toronto obsolete.

To counter that point, not everything was bad. I doubt I would have seen as much of my high school buddies as I ended up doing if I hadn't of made some of the decisions I did. But the part that is really still sitting with me about this summer is the part of me that I lost in doing some of the things I did and making the choices I did.

#2 Never, EVER, EVER let a guy change you. or change yourself for a guy.

After breaking up with cet ex boyfriend, I wasted much much much too much time with another guy that I thought was "a little different and worth taking the time to get to know" or, " really a nice guy under everything, he just doesn't have a lot of experience and no one gave him a chance."

Well I was right about the last one because it was written all over his hairless little face. No one had given him a chance for a lot of obvious reasons that were clear real fast. One, no bedside manners.

This guy said shit to me in bed that would blow the dirrtiest people you know away.

"No really, what is your ideal weight?" he asked me, while I was at 135 lbs, at 5'8 1/2. REALLY? Any skinnier and my ass would be concave bitch?!

"So how much does it cost to get waxed?" he asked, pointing to my lady bits? Well it doesn't cost much and when it is LONG ENOUGH, I will be sure to get right in there. But right now, I am a grown lady that is happy to have something that lets other people know that. Now I am not talking a 70's bush here ladies and gents, but hair that wasn't even a 1/4 of an inch long. So, lil man, stop implying that its time for a wax. Really women have some hair and some curves.

But I guess when your game is run by nineteen year olds, you don't know any better right? WRONG.

The hairless wonder had the audacity to tell me, and assorted others that we WORKED with...
#3 NEVER sleep with anyone you work with. Duh.

The kid thinks that he is gods gift to women in bed. He's not. Far far from it. Experience counts for something and those of us that have been with a partner for any length of time will tell you that honey, its quality not quantity.

At first I thought about going into detail but I figure I will have a little more class than that and leave it alone.

#4 and this one isn't for me. Don't sleep and tell.

On that note though, don't give details. It doesn't mean that it gives you free reign to lie to people about going home with me. Yes, he did that too. He went all the way home with his "best friend" in a cab, then hopped back in the cab and came to my house. Then I was sworn to secrecy because now, he doesn't want to look bad.

Its been a whole damn summer of us looking bad.

There is always something to learn from every situation. I had a lot to learn from this summer, unfortunately it was all once I got to Montreal and was able to look back on the situation. I know it still isn't time for me to move back there to say the least. Working towards a major trip like somewhere Nice in France makes it so so so much better. It makes the people you spend your vacation with very valuable and the ones you meet even more special!!!

TBC... France is on the way.

New and amazing blogs that I have been reading

This summer has brought the unexpected in so many levels. I have taken a break from blogging and tried journalling and sketching more. Basically going back to grassroots. When I head back to MTL in September one of my New Years Resolutions in September will be to update this bad boy with some older musings from the summer and wicked sketches I have created at work and at home.

I just thought I would share a blog with you, and start sharing more of the amazing blogs with you that I have been checking out lately.

This one is for the ladies, full of cute indie fashion and make up reviews, which I personally love.

http://the-coveted.com/blog/

This is more of a fashion magazine type, vs personal blogging.

Stay tuned for more amazing blogging to come.


Xo

Things I need to get on top of..

Things are mental right now. Finals, moving home, new job and relationship endeavours are on the horizon, plus a serious amount of work and time management that has gone into things at CJLO lately. Its been a rather serious month.

I am anxious for my to-do list to become a 'to-DONE' list but I am not seeing an end to the madness. Time spent alone can be luxurious and indulgent for a large part, but I am scared because my only plans in the next few weeks are school and station related. What happened to my social calander that was once brimming?

Signs of the isolation I have been fearing are rearing their ugly heads and all I can think about is how many more nights I will be coming home to an empty apartment to battle with insomnia, only to wake up and do it all over again.

to-do

-gym
-exams
-laundry
-knit
-one-year anniversary gifts
-clean for subletter
-say bye to Tony and the Wheeler
-keep my sanity

Tops of 2008

Top Ten Albums of 2008
1. The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
2. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
3. Billy Bragg - Mr Love and Justice
4. Hot Chip - Made in the Dark
5. Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles EP
6. Animal Collective - Water Curses
7. Black Kids - Partie Traumatic
8. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
9. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
10. Vivian Girls - Vivian Girls

Most HATED/WORST Album of the Year
Santogold - Santogold

Worst Fashion Moments in the Music Scene This Year
1. Headbands being worn on the bangs, over the hair, further pushing hair into the face. WTF? Defeats the purpose of the hair band entirely.

2. Androgynous band members...do you know how many of the Black Kids are straight? Gay? Not that it makes a difference when it comes down to music but I just find that the line between Bowie-ism glam metal, meterosexual males and emo boys are becoming all too thin. Kind of like their pants.

3. Indie Kid Bangs. I love em and hate em so much at the same time. Can't see out from under em' but at the same time offers an air of mystique.

4. Kanye Sunglasses/RayBans: Learn to leave them well enough alone. The people who favour these also think that Buddy Holly glasses sans prescription are cool. My advice to these people is to ask someone that has shitty eyes at the ripe young age of twenty something how THEY feel about knowing their vision will only get worse. Then tell me how fashionable these sunglasses/glasses are.

5. Arab Scarfs (also known as Kafias)- They came, they went, they conquered. Why haven't we learned to leave their fashion well enough alone? Talk about disrespect.










CAN't WAIT FOR:

New Green Day, Get Up Kids, LCD Soundsystem, Kid Sister's full length, comeback kid, With Honor, and many many more.

SHOWS:

GASLIGHT ANTHEM, thunderheist, anything new from Justice and Black Lips, MSTRKRFT and Ladyhawk