Lately it seems I have been straying, ever so slightly, from my usual taste of gore and horror, being drawn into these heartfelt adult cartoons. They have got me hooked; for a long time it seemed like the only way for me to deal with my own emotion was to watch something sad when my own emotion got to be too much. That way, when I cried over a sad movie, it was much easier to let go and feel a little better about, instead of feeling guilty for the tears.
Max and Mary and UP have both evoked very strange emotions, UP stirring the feeling of wanting to grow old with someone and coming to terms with maybe having a cool life partner, but more that life will go one and you can have pleasure in so many other things regardless of what that means or who that "partner" ends up being.
Sometimes it is tough being so far away from where I would like to be. But it doesn't mean that I haven't grown so far away from where I was when I first moved to Montreal. School is coming to some form of an end and a new chapter is starting. It seems cliche but maybe I will get the chance to write about something other that culture and myself and delve into the world of politics and the environment for a chance of pace(and climate). But for now, I need to make it through this week, this semester and Christmas, with Cuba as a light at the end of the tunnel shining some sunny skies onto the new year.
A lot of interesting things have happened this week, with school coming to an end. My favorite being the first snowfall, beautiful and powdery. There is something about the first fluffy snowfall that makes me want this perfect person to share the moment with, on top of a building or in an empty park with no footprints made in the fresh blanket of snow. Cold noses, warm hands and a winter kiss seems like the perfect remedy to this strange, useless feeling that I have had lately.
After the relationships, or lack there of, that I have experienced in the last year, I have learned a lot about myself, but at the same time I think I have more questions than answers. Often I am left wondering why it is that it seems people don't want to know about me or my adventures? What are they thinking in the meantime, if they are not going to bother to know me or much about me? Is it them or have I just become closed off to the point that people don't even want to bother? Maybe this new year will bring some more answers with some time spent alone, outside of school.
The end seems so far away, but as Max puts it, "I hope our sidewalks can meet one day and we can share a can of condensed milk."
3 comments:
The hardships you are facing will make the one person that much more rewarding. You are one the coolest, most beautiful, intense and intelligent women around, and will have no trouble finding the perfect partner. Time will only tell, and if I were you, I'd be happy that I clearly have such a bright and happy future ahead of me. Never fear, for amazing people come out on top. And that's you.
as christmas bieng my favorite time of year i too have stumbled out the door on an early morning, just to be the first to walk down a freshely snow covered street and wished i had someone special to share it with.
its the silence and those giant snow flakes and fresh cool crisp air theres really nothing quite like it!!!?.
as for your questions?, well have you ever stoped to think that maybe?, your past experiances have forced you to put up a subconcious wall between you and whom ever is trying to find out who you are? i mean if you keep going with this list!!, your gonna wipe out any chance of maybe finding that person?. its seems to me that your smart,witty,funny,and pretty!!, but theres a chip on your shoulder!!?, i think that if you can get rid of that chip!!!, then you'll be just fine. think about it!!?, Brighteyes!!
I know I have a chip. I think I just want to be the difference to someone, or for someone the really WANT to get to know why that chip is there, to ask or take the time, especially if I am witty or smrt. Just to take the time, be a pal or whatever, but its nice to have those people around, new and old. They are the ones you learn from, that you learn more about yourself through and grow with.
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