Saturday, March 15, 2008

On Monday night I had to book a quick train ticket home to Toronto. My best friend Kelly's dad has been sick for awhile now. On and off, a whole bunch of different things. He passed away, cancer free, on Saturday morning around three. He died of kidney failure.

When I got home I did what seems to be my new habit. I called my cousin to go get a pint of Strongbow at the "Winchester". (the Bearded Chip, pub by my house in Scarbs.)

On the way home, I twisted my ankle. Its funny colors now.

Trying to deal with Kelly's dad dying has brought up a whole bunch of weird feelings about my own Pa. The thought process of trying to console her has been along the lines of, "How would I feel? What would I want to hear" which then led to wanting to see my own dad to tell him how much i love him.

That didn't really happen when I was home and that is a bummer. He is busy with work stuff and I understand but it was just a tough visit home.

I don't know what is worst, going home for a funeral or going home and seeing how much everyone has moved on. Is it worse seeing that someone that you love isn't there anymore or realizing that the people that you love that ARE there are finally used to me being gone.

And there is always the one that got away.

Moving on is something that should happen naturally. But then I start to worry when it doesn't and I think I am fucking with the natural order of making things happen "naturally".

nor·mal [nawr-muhl] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective
1.conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2.serving to establish a standard.
a.approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. from any mental disorder; sane.
4.Biology, Medicine/Medical. from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.
b.of natural occurrence.

This week on my radio show there is going to be some super fun dance music. This indie electro thing that seems to be taking off is a good way to start off a Monday morning. Last week was angry metal/hardcore that seemed to match my mood. i think I am going make my own mood this week and pump up the jams.

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