Because someone is against me, that's why. My friend Jane was nice enough to come all the way up the subway line a full three stops, to get divine, sweet, creamy Dutch Dreams with me. We BOTH checked the website to be sure it was open and sadly, there was no mention anywhere of it being closed on Mondays.
We had a nice chat and a catch-up. She was a lovely, bright part to my day and brought me smiley face ginger cookies because, quite frankly, its been a little rough lately. The people that say, "Things will get better" haven't dealt with losing a job, a friend, an Opa and a boyfriend all in the short span of a few months.
It has been a lot to handle. But it does get better. The only bit that has stuck has been the "One day at a time" part. Also the "stay busy" part, especially with the loss of the boyfriend.
My usual pattern is to self-destruct a little, but this time is really different, for some reason. There is so much to be excited about and I am going to take full advantage. I asked my parents for a TEFL course for my Christmas gift this year. They were really generous and bought me a lap-top for my birthday present this year, because I turned 25. Reflecting now, after losing a friend two weeks after his 25th birthday, it doesn't seem like such a big deal that I made it this far, but it really, really is. These years can be pretty conflicted, more than I realized before.
So I plan on taking full advantage of this present, writing a ton and never, ever accepting another birthday/Christmas present from my parents. I just wish they would listen, hence the TEFL course. Oh well, they are older right? I can just hide money in their cars and things, so that when they stumble upon it they will think they left it there.
My arms are starting to look like someone is torturing me with hot pokers. The burns are all over from the panini press at work. They look worse than they feel but today our lovely, large, gay, Newfie dishwasher pointed out that no one was going to love me with arms like that, "Those are permanent!" he exclaimed, very loudly.
I had to remind him that I have far more damaging, permanent issues people already have a hard time loving me with. These new scars are the least of my concerns.