Stories of a Failed Man Eater

Once upon a time a guy I was dating called me a "man eater". I don't think I have ever had a repeated joke make me laugh this hard in my whole life.

Before I was freelance writing for Vice Magazine, I was part of their intern army. Normally, their interns get some pretty embarrassing treatment, like shoving a cell phone up someones butt and having the rest of the office stand around and call it, laughing and pointing. That has to suck.

I don't know if people are tamer in Canada or if we are just a more peaceful and polite group of human beings but in comparison to that, my intern workload didn't seem too harmful. Until this week, when I realized that the small assignment that seemed harmless at the time has had an effect on my sex life over three years later.

One of my first assignments was to go out and find a small cities worth of guys that were willing to talk to me about their experience with how they avoid prematurely blowing their load when they are doing it. Along with finding a variety of different men to elaborate on their personal experiences with me, I had to get them to sign a waiver, saying we could publish a picture of them and what they say. When it was finally all said and done after a few nights of getting wasted in front of my apartment building and letting my outspoken friend take the reins, I had to transcribe all of these stories picking which ones were the most entertaining.

These conversations haunted my already vivid dreams for weeks to come. At the time, I was going through a somewhat dry spell so it wasn't a really big deal. But when it came time to get back on the horse, the things that were running though my head were thoughts I couldn't shake.

The stories consisted of some answers that seemed to repeat, like baseball or sports, grass and water, which would personally make me want to pee. Then there were some weird ones like 'First I will try and change positions if its only been awhile and its feeling too good. Then, if that doesn't work, I think about my grandmother."

Now, when I have sex with a new partner and you can't tell what they are thinking, don't want to ask but happen to be enjoying the sex it takes everything in my power from saying (after they have made a few switches)," Its okay, you can cum, its no big deal." I feel like I have been exposed to this world I am not ready for, or that I have a power I really don't want. Is this how Jenna Jameson feels? Oh wait, those aren't magical powers...